Was it Something I Said?
by Elizabeth Bower
Summary: What was it Vetinari said? Well, whatever it was, Vimes has hauled off and punched him. A short scene where Vimes punches Vetinari, and describing the ensuing fight and hospital trip. Enjoy! Reviews and advice totally welcome!
1. The Fight

It was good to note that the reflexes of Assassin's were not, as usually believed,_ perfect. _They did not dodge everything. In fact, it was often an issue with the harder contracts, as they could not dodge the defenses of the higher-class of nobles or businessmen, who had thugs and more intelligent mercenaries at their disposal._  
_

Nevertheless, it is most likely this reason that Vimes' punch connected with Vetinari's unsuspecting jaw.

* * *

_I think,_ Vetinari thought, internally feeling a bit upset about this, _I went too far this time._

This was perhaps the biggest understatement of the year, as Vimes had just hauled off and punched him without even turning red yet. The Patrician of the most powerful city on the Disc was sent sprawling to the ground some four or five feet away. And he could feel the hot sensation you got when lots of blood-vessels had just ruptured. He could also hear Drumknott and a few others, probably Lady Sybil among them, running to the door and stopping. No assurances Vimes would stop himself from killing anyone who interfered.

The same went for the Patrician of course, but at least _he_ would think about it _first_.

Vetinari managed to roll and leap to his feet before the hands of his most loyal Watch officer had him by the robes. The ex-assassin staggered upright, and opened the third drawer of his desk. Damn...he'd put it in his room, hadn't he?

Vimes was already getting up from the stumble Vetinari had caused him, and now the Patrician was forced to try and think about what he wanted to do. He did not, actually, want to hurt Vimes. Vimes was the most loyal man Vetinari had ever known, and even though Vimes hated the Patrician, Vetinari also knew that Vimes admired and respected him _at the same time_. Now he had to knock out his faithful Commander without getting killed...

He needed his sword-cane.

Which, by a stroke of luck*, was between himself and Vimes, and therefor was out of reach to him, because Vimes didn't have the disadvantage of a leg that required a cane at times. To which Vetinari mentally cursed and tried to think of something before Vimes tried to kill him again.

Wait...

Vimes was beginning to tire, despite his continued rage. It was burning in him and now, like a raging fire, it had used up all it's fuel, and was working on the last remnants of wood. If Vetinari could just avoid him for long enough...

"Godsdamn you, Vetinari! You just see everyone as a puppet, don't you! We're all just pawns in your bloody political game, and we're not worth anything at all, not if we're _inconvenient_ for this city!"

_Ouch._

Vetinari would have thought he'd trained Vimes better than that...after all, Vetinari had not expected much of the man before the dragon incident, and yet knew how to manipulate him. Vetinari had always had what in others would be called a soft-spot for Vimes**. Like himself, Vimes had an idealistic view of things. And like himself, Vimes knew it was only an ideal. But both men strove to make their ideal be as real as it could. Vetinari relied on Vimes, and really, considered him as close to a real friend as he got. Even if it was a one-sided feeling.

"Commander? What precisely, in my previous sentence, offended you so much?"

Oh yes, and now his jaw was aching, and making talking a real trial. Well, at least now he knew why Carcer had been taken out so quickly...Vimes punched better than a mule could kick.

* * *

* Vetinari made a point of always calling strokes of even _bad luck_ a stroke of luck. It made people think you'd had good luck, and therefore made it seem you were more lucky than them. It had saved him from some very embarrassing situations as a very young assassin.

** Vimes would have considered this impossible, a feat Vetinari had tried to breed in the man. But it was true, Vetinari had a soft spot for his often tightly-wound Commander. It almost hurt to think he had miscalculated this so hugely, but there you were. No one's perfect.

* * *

"You cold-hearted _bastard!_ You of all damned people should know what you said!" Vimes shouted, and Vetinari could practically feel the red burning behind those gray eyes. But he had to stay calm...if he apologized, Vimes would think he was ill or something again, and Vetinari did not want the man doing that all over again.

As it was, Vetinari did know what he had said. And he now regretted it, even if for no other apparent reason than that he had to try and live through this. He knew that's what Vimes would say it was.

But Vimes was burning out now...Vetinari needed to get him in close, so he could knock the Commander out. What would rile him further? Oh yes...

Vetinari smiled slowly, trying for the manic grin he'd seen on the faces of some of his victims as a younger man, trying to imitate the grin he'd seen on Vimes a few times, when The Beast was winning. And he did it perfectly enough to make Vimes pause, and looked a bit unnerved.

"Well, Commander...if that insulted you, I wonder what this phrase would do..." he said, perfectly soft and calm, but there was a faked tone in there of manic glee and joy. This seemed to unnerve Vimes further, but at the words that followed, Vimes' eyes practically turned red. And he charged at Vetinari, obviously trying to tackle him and pound him into oblivion.

But having seen the Commander fight before, Vetinari was well-armed, though his advantage was only slight. His mind was telling him that he had to avoid Vimes' arms at any cost. And his route to his cane was now open to him.

With a leap that would have been granted a much younger man in this position, the Patrician lunged to the right at the last moment, and landed on his side beside the cane. He heard a few ribs crackle, and felt one fracture at least, but that was a small price. Vimes was too useful to the city to be killed.

Vetinari lashed the cane out with lightning speed, and caught Vimes in the kneecaps, and then the back of the head as he swung it hard at the falling man. But it took a sound fist to the right and down of the temple to send the heavier man into the blackness of unconsciousness.

* * *

Vimes woke up in the Lady Sybil Free Hospital, his head pounding. He remembered...yes, he had gone to see the Patrician, damn him...but what had...

Memory is a wicked thing, and slowly, Vimes began to register what he'd done some five hours previous. Vimes went very pale, and closed his eyes, and let out a short groan. A very quiet, calm voice by the bed made him snap to attention. In his current condition, it made his head spin and he settled back down when the thin hand practically shoved him back.

"Good evening, Vimes. Sybil and Young Sam are in the hall."

Vimes looked the Patrician over. Oh Gods...there was a bruise on the man's face that took up nearly the entire left side...and oh Gods, when he spoke, he flinched...

"Sir?"

That always worked...but Vetinari just cracked a quiet smile, before flinching and closing his cold-blue eyes.

"I wanted to apologize Vimes. Much as I might hate to admit it, I was out of line. I miscalculated how far I could push you."

Vetinari watched Vimes' jaw go slack slightly. He flashed a genuine smile, though it pained him. The entirety of the left half of his face hurt, and the dark bruise did not help matters along.

"You...wanted to apologize...to me? I punched you and tried to murder you!" Vimes said, somewhere between fury and shock. But he had to say, he felt a bit of satisfaction seeing Vetinari admit it, and seeing the man flinch.

"Vimes, whether you believe me or not, I mean it. I miscalculated, and it ended badly for us both."

Now Vimes noticed the cane that the man was holding tightly. Oh Gods...his leg had started acting up...probably that leap, but if Vetinari had missed that jump...

"Perhaps we should take the diplomatic, approach, Sir." Vimes said cautiously, and watched the Patrician raise on quizzical eyebrow. "We both apologize and pretend it never happened." Vimes added helpfully, and watched the corners of the lips twitch. Whether it was towards a smile or a frown he didn't know, but he liked to think the former.

"Perhaps Vimes. However...it will be rather hard to talk to Lord Downey tomorrow morning if I can barely speak. Perhaps I should request your presence at, shall we say, nine o'clock sharp?" he said, giving Vimes an almost sly smile before flinching again.

"Of course Sir! Least I could do, Sir!"

He was...getting off? Vetinari was letting him off the hook? But...he'd made the man fall pretty hard, and he had...Pain rippled from his head to his knees, and he groaned. He touched the right side of his face, and sent a glare at Vetinari's retreating back. He watched the Patrician turn around, and only then saw the wrapping on the man's left hand. Vetinari gave him a quick, rueful smile.

"It was better than killing you, Commander...I won't detain you any longer." he said quietly, and there was that lightning smile before he slipped out of the door. Vimes heard his cane tapping on the floor, and heard it pause several times.

Vimes didn't think much more about it that evening, though reading to Young Sam was hard as his hand was wrapped and his jaw hurt. But he read anyway, and didn't think about Vetinari's words until later that night, when even the Night People of Ankh-Morpork were hurrying home, and before the Day-People were even considering waking up.

_I was lucky...He could have killed me in the office, in self-defense. So why didn't he?_


	2. The Aftermath

**Note:**** This scene will seem a bit incomplete. This is intended. For one thing, I never could figure out what Vetinari was talking to Downey about...come up with your own ideas. The second reason is that I think that's how it should be...I mean, who knows what the Assassins are up to that might mean something to the city in a BIG way? Only Vetinari, right? Who wants to be bothered? Well, everyone, but not everyone NEEDS to be. Anyway, enjoy! Also, I decided that _The Truth_ happened about a year before _Night Watch_, and _Night Watch_ was about two-three years before _Making Money_. So THIS is about...Sybil is just starting to show. About then. So about 6 months before _Night Watch_.  
**

Next morning, at just before nine, Vimes tapped on the Patrician's door. A less clear 'come in' than usual told him that yes, the Patrician would need his help today. And a lot of it.

Havelock Vetinari, ruler of the most powerful city on the Disc, was holding an ice cube to his cheek through a linen cloth, and was glaring at some paperwork. The bruise had spread from just his cheek to cover his jaw and went just under his eye as well. Vimes could tell the man's ribs were still wrapped because he was breathing more shallowly than usual. The wrapping on his hand, however, had been removed, and Vimes noted only a couple of bruises on the fingers.

"Are you alright, Sir?" Vimes asked, and risked meeting those ice cold blue eyes. They weren't gentle, they were harsh and annoyed, but not as penetrating or searching as usual. Pained actually, if you wanted to interpret it that way.

"Commander, yesterday, while you were angry with me, you said that I thought of everyone as pawns in my political game, and that I cared about no one unless they were important to the city."

The Patrician's voice was almost a whisper, and even so he flinched. But Vimes translated the murmur perfectly in his mind, having been by the man's side through being shot and poisoned.

He didn't reply though. The Patrician wasn't angry, not really. Otherwise there would have been a lot of sarcasm in that voice.

Vimes noticed that somewhere in Vetinari's small amount of speech, he had stood and made his way to the window. With his good side facing the door and Vimes, he still looked as imposing as ever. The swelling was gone now, but the bruising was going to interfere with his work, Vimes knew it.

Vetinari sighed and turned to look at him, his bruised side twitching in controlled pain.

"You were far from right, Vimes. I care a great deal about certain individuals, even if I don't show it. Is that clear, Vimes? I thought I had taught you that, that you knew that fact for certain. I was obviously incorrect. When mad, people often let slip things they truly believe," Vetinari whispered, and found Vimes at his side, silent and just as imposing as himself, in his own way. Vetinari smiled quickly, enjoying their contented, though not completely comfortable, silence. Vimes was uneasy, he knew. Probably because he was neither angry nor upset in any obvious way, but was obviously hurt by the accusation anyway.

He could get used to Vimes being called his Terrier. It wasn't far from being correct. Vimes was as close to a real friend as he got, Sybil being a woman and slightly intimidating to him, really.

* * *

Downey arrived at 9:30 sharp, to find Vetinari at the window, with Vimes standing by his side. Even from here, he could see the bruising on the Commander's face, and he could only estimate the bruising on Vetinari's to be far, far worse. He remembered well enough the day Vimes had caught him unawares and punched him a good one.

When Vetinari turned towards him, Downey visibly flinched. It looked like Vimes had really been furious, the bruising was far worse than even his had been. Then again...if Vimes had been in such a fit of temper to actually hit Vetinari, he must have been mad enough to kill the man.

"Ah, Lord Downey."

The Patrician's voice was just above a whisper, and it seemed that talking was causing him great pain. Much as Downey hated the Patrician...well, maybe just this once he could be the one to suggest something simpler.

"My Lord, perhaps, just this once, we dispense with formalities? I think I would rather get this done with quickly, if it's all the same to you, my Lord," the Assassin said calmly, looking at Vimes as the Watchman bristled.

"His Lordship will be talking through me, Downey. I ain't phrasing all his stuff as eloquently at him, so fill that in in your own head, but you'd better act like this is normal," Vimes growled, pushing off the wall as Vetinari sat down, using his cane almost imperceptibly. But Downey and Vimes were the two most perceptive civic leaders, and both shared a mildly concerned glance.

"Vimes...no need to be so harsh to him. Please, be seated gentlemen," Vetinari murmured, giving Vimes a sharp Look and then motioning to the two chairs. One was beside him, the other across from him.

Vimes and Downey sat obediently, Vimes listening for any word from the Patrician, who sat regarding Downey for a moment. Downey spoke first.

"Er...would you like an update on my Guild, or is this a social call, my Lord?" Downey asked, though he figured it would be neither. He'd been told a day in advance of his meeting with the Patrician. That meant something rather serious.

"Neither, Lord Downey. And yet...the first as well."

Vimes sighed, and translated. "It's sort of the first, but not really either."

Downey looked at Vetinari, confusion laid over his features. "Er...the update on my Guild would help with some plan or other? Or are you looking for some specific part of my update, that I might otherwise leave out?" he asked, his brow furrowing as the Patrician smiled benignly. A benign smile from _that_ mouth turned into a crocodile's grin instantly.

"Oh, a little of both, Downey. A little of both."

This last was said just loud enough to send a shiver through the Assassin, who watched the ice-blue eyes in the same way a trapped wolf might watch the hunter. The trapped _maimed_ wolf, who was also blind and old.

"Oh...er. As you wish?"

* * *

Vimes straightened stiffly, watching Vetinari as he limped heavily over to the window, smiling in that dark, cold way of his that meant he was actually rather disappointed.

"Sir?"

Vetinari turned to look at him briefly, bruised side hidden from view as he raised his eyebrow in acknowledgment, the same way Vimes might grunt when he was called upon. A small frown curved the thin lips, curious and showing the disappointment.

"Er...about earlier..."

How did you apologize for decking the most important man in the city? And how did you apologize for - and the words were strange to think, let alone _say – _hurting his feelings? Vimes knew, in some small, detached way, that Vetinari did care. Even before this he knew that, the man got disappointed and angry...and sad. He'd seen Vetinari sad before, hadn't he? Yes...he couldn't remember when, but he had. At some point.

Vetinari was still looking at him, but the gaze had softened a bit.

Vimes decided to floor it.

"If you tell Sybil what I'm about to say, I'll punch you again," he growled, glaring at Vetinari, who carefully made his face blank and nodded. Amusement...he'd forgotten that. Vetinari was actually amused quite easily, he just didn't show it the same way other people did.

"As you wish, Sir Samuel."

Vimes growled. "Is that in the context of you not telling her, or that I'll punch you if you do?" he snarled.

Vetinari caught the look and sighed, turning to face the city. Vimes noticed, perhaps belatedly, that he'd hurt the man's..._feelings_, again.

"Neither and both, Vimes. I'm acknowledging that the consequence seems reasonable, based on what I think you're going to tell me," Vetinari murmured, rubbing his jaw gently. He flinched once, but Vimes ignored it, for the man's benefit.

"Fine. Sir, I'm sorry for what I said. I was angry, feeling rather unappreciated, and...my wife had just told me that you're going to be the kid's godfather,"

Vetinari hid the surprise pretty well. He'd choked, and turned it into genuine coughing, and then leveled his voice out by the time he was done hacking up a lung.

"Sybil said what?"

The voice was hoarse now, on top of being very quiet, and Vimes smiled to have surprised the man so well.

"She said it was an irrefutable fact. Our child is going to be your godchild. You know, if anything happens to us, you take care-"

"I know what the job entails, Vimes," Vetinari cut in smoothly, his voice very quiet, and still a little hoarse, though the tone had returned to normal. He was certainly dealing with it better than Vimes had.

"I was merely confirming that I heard correctly. Why?"

Vetinari's eyes radiated his curiosity, and Vimes sighed and sat back down. Vetinari came over to the chairs stiffly, and nearly stumbled when he came to sit. Vimes noted absently, while he helped the man into his chair, that his bad leg was shaking horribly, probably from the strain.

"She said that since you were such a great man and the most powerful man in the city, you should be able to take care of the kid. Oh, and that if you tried to raise it by babysitter, she would come back from the grave and throttle you."

Both men sat in silence, Vetinari tapping his cane absently as they both pictured this scene. Vimes grimaced, while Vetinari frowned thoughtfully.

"A circumstance I'm sure we'd all like to avoid," the Patrician said after awhile, and Vimes nodded sullenly.

"Anyway...that's why I got so mad, and why I said those things. I don't want you to forgive me, I just wanted to apologize, in case I might have...insulted you, Sir."

Vetinari nodded thoughtfully. "As you wish, Vimes. Would you stay for a few more appointments? Between my ribs and jaw, I'm not sure I'll be able to keep up even this level of speech," Vetinari queried, returning to business and throwing Vimes off for a moment. Then the Commander shrugged.

"As you wish, Sir. Er...who would be next? So I know who to smirk at, or sneer, or snap at for you," Vimes asked, smiling as the Patrician twitched a smile.

"Lord Rust, if you're so interested."

Vetinari kept his face perfectly blank, but his blue eyes were amused, especially when he watched Vimes grin in delight.

Today might turn out well after all.


End file.
